the eye of a camel...

And so Lent has begun and thus marks a year since I've started this blog. No, I haven't been the most faithful but its been very enjoyable for me and even healing at times.

I had one of those moments today. I was walking down the hall at work, feeling very misunderstood and persecuted and stuff and I desperately wanted to run to my humble, unread blog and type until my little hands fell off. Of course I was actually at work and had no time to do so. Why so misunderstood you ask? Well, it seems this little dance issue has become somewhat of a situation of persecution for me. I know, it sounds silly, "it's just a dance" or so they say. But, in essence, it has revealed the level of surrender of many people around me.
Up until this point, the 4 months that I have worked there, I have been a pleasant presence from what I can gather. People have enjoyed me, related to me, complimented me and even marveled I think in the genuine humanity (and oh how human i am) of a 'young' 'religious' woman. There is a level of Catholicism or truth that true and Catholic people desire. It encompases many things, many issues; morality which they are proud to stand up for, issues which are heated in the world. But there is also an area beyond that level in which those who cross the line become 'other'. It seems that dirty dancing and calling children to prayer (at the very least out of respect)in the moment of a social activity, places one big ugly toe over that line.
I got a call today from a parent who's child had a "miserable time" at the dance and will not be attending anymore of our dances. His reasons? Because the music was stopped to acknowledge God and thus his fun was thwarted. Her advice to me? "It's not that big of a deal you know. It's just a dance. I think you should let them hear the music they want to hear and dance the way they dance. I mean, I go to clubs and dance that way myself." And...therein lies the problem.
The level which we really need to reach to address the issue, is beyond our reach. Parents are the first educators of the faith. Even when we, after 14 years are allowed to be "co-educators" with them, we compete with a big, twisted world that is much louder and flashier than our lone voice crying out in the wilderness. In spite of that, it is not parents who I feel persecuted by, though they certainly add splinters to the cross. At the end of the day its those people who have complimented me and raised me up, those who have patted me on the back and "been behind me in all that I do", those people that called themselves my friends who now look at me with squinted eye and tilt their head and say almost in unison with these parents; "it's not that big of a deal you know, its just a dance."
The kids however, inspite of all they have fighting for their souls everyday, still give me hope. Precisely because they are that, kids, they smile and laugh and live the best they know how. Furthermore, they believe in me even if they don't know why just yet.
And....they make me laugh.

Question on the last test I gave on Veritatis Splendor: "In your own words, recall the story of the Rich Young Man and Jesus."

Answer: "..............and when the Rich Young Man walked away sad Jesus said to his disciples, ' It is easier for the eye of a camel to pass through a needle than it is for a rich man to enter into heaven."

Indeed.

deep sadness...

It's been a while but this one is a doozy, I promise. Have a seat....

This weekend was a dance at school that I was in charge of. Preparations were hectic but normal I suppose. The decorations were beautiful and everybody was ready to have a lovely time. I even hired a DJ that I was certain would play appropriate music and allow the kids to have a good time while being modest. I was "certain" because I explained myself ad nauseam, explicitely stating what I did and did not want played. He also assured me that he was a God fearing man and knows how to play appropriate music. All good and well....until the dance begain.
First song.."It's getting hot in here..." Seriously dude....appropriate? So, the principal asks me (and you have to love his humor)"are we ok with everyone 'taking off all their clothes?" Which of course, we were not..
Long story (and I do mean LOOONG story) short..he continued (against our wishes, expressed over and over) to play very inappropriate music. During which he repeatedly stopped to ask the students to stop their "bumping" and "grinding". He then proceeded to stop the music in the middle of the dance to lead the students in an Our Father.
Ok. So, the kids were mad that we prayed. The principal was mad at the DJ. The DJ was mad at the principal. I was mad at everybody. It was a gloriously decorated, glittery train wreck and if I hadn't been in charge I would have left.
The DJ's polar, nay, completely compartmentalized view of faith left me baffled. How can you play that kind of music and expect them not to dance that way? How else do you dance to 'Ridin' Dirty?' Please tell me? Then, in the midst of aiding their demoralizing moves you want them to pray? Argh.
That being said, I was beside myself with dissapointment that these students, at a Catholic school, where we pray many many times a day, in the same room that we celebrate Mass and share in the body and blood of Christ could not be polite enough to say a prayer? Please.
But an even bigger problem than the fact that they danced that way is that they see absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that they were dancing that way. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. But somehow it seemed weird and innapropriate that in the same instance as dancing 'that' way they should be asked to pray. They get it..they just don't know it.
So today I began my class with a dilemma for them.
"I need your opinion" I said. "Friday night, I went to a party by myself. I was having a grand old time, visiting and laughing with my friends until one of them asked me where my husband was and how he'd been doing. Can you believe that? They asked me about my husband when he clearly was not there and I was just at this party minding my own business trying to have fun. So, I got angry and I went off a little bit. I even threatened to leave the party. My friends think I overreacted. What do you think?"

*confused looks* "But, Ms. Amy they just asked you about your husband, how he was? Whats the big deal?"

"The big deal" I responded, "is that I was trying to have fun, not friggin talk about my husband. I wasn't home with him, I was at a party having fun. When I'm at home with him thats all fine and good but not away from it all."

*more confusion* "But, you overreacted. He's your husband even when you're not with him. Its not that big of a deal to talk about him. You love him and...we don't understand."

But being the smart cookies that they are, they caught on. "Wait, is this a true story?"

I admitted to my whitel lie and asked them if they made the connection. If I believe in God and I am a praying person, then not being in Church doesnt mean I cease to love him.
They caught on eventually and we had a nice talk about the dance.

This ordeal upset me a great deal and I have a deep sadness for these kids, who I love and who I know are good in the truest sense of the word. I'm also at a loss for what to do for prom.

Any ideas?