'Real' good.

A few thoughts today:

First:

This morning as I was brushing my teeth I was having a conversation with myself. Not out loud mind you, or I would have gotten toothpaste and spit all over the place, but in my head. I was thinking about all the things I want for my daily life, all the things I'd like to have in order and about how many excuses I made to keep myself from doing them. A typical moment might go something like this;

Alarm sounds*
"Self, it's 6 am, you really should get up and pray and exercise you know."

"Yes Self, I know! But I work such long hours sometimes and when I get home there is still food to fix and a house to clean and a baby to take care of. I'm soooo tired. I deserve this extra sleep. It's the least I can do for me."

"Self, you know you're right. You do deserve this sleep. Hit that snooze button and if it dares to go off again in 9 minutes, hit it again!"

I'm awful polite with myself arent I?

So..like I said, as I was brushing my teeth I thought. "Self, you are waaay too polite to me. So polite that I make excuses for me and end up not doing anything at all that requires the least bit of discipline. So, what I'm saying is....stop it!"

So what happens when I stop being polite? (and start getting real?) 10 points for anyone who recognizes the old school 'Real World' line.
I need to get real with myself. Sure, my excuses are valid. And I could (and usually do) justify them to get out of whatever difficult task that is before me. But should I? what do I get out of it? I get further in the hole thats what. I become less and less of the person I want to be.

Second thought:
The velveteen rabbit is one of my favorite stories. I think because as a kid I had so many stuffed animals there was often very little room in the bed for me to sleep. I sincerely believed that they were real, especially the ones I loved the most, and knew for sure that once I left the room they began talking and moving around. So, when I grew up and read the Velveteen Rabbit for the first time I fell in love with it. I think of this story every time I think about the word REAL and what it might mean. That little velveteen rabbit was loved with such intensity that he became real...and thats all there was to it. I think the most REAL we can be as humans, the fullest expression of our humanity (as it was intended) is to be holy- to be Saints. And, contrary to our belief about our efforts, the main ingredient for that is the unwavering love of our creator. That love, if we let it, can and will make us into who we were intended to be in the first place and THAT is holiness.

Third:
There is a book on my nightstand called "Vice over Virtue" by Archbishop Fulton Sheen (my favorite Lenten buddy). This morning I was reading a little snippit and a line caught my attention. He was speaking about how we sin because we love the flesh. He said , "the only way to stop sinning is to find something that we love more than the flesh." This reminded me of a phrase Dean Schindler used to say in class " How do you get a drug addict to stop doing drugs? Not by saying "don't do drugs thats for sure. You must make him fall in love with something else." that something in both cases has to be God. We have to understand his love for us so that we might love him in return. I don't know if I'll ever come close to REALLY understanding it but being a mother sure has helped.

Tied all together:

If I'm going to stop 'making excuses'. If I'm going to be able to get real...to become REAL...to be holy then I have to really seek to know God's love for me and then let my life be a simple response of gratitude to that love. It wont be much in comparison but it will be a joy to God. All I have to do is see my baby boy smile once in response to my silly "I love you" and I know that its true.

Hope your ashes lasted all day!