There are some things about living in a very small town that you really can't appreciate until you move away and return. For two weeks now I've been struggling to adapt to a place that I spent 18 years of my 26 year existence. It's been more than hard, to say the least, but today I had a moment that felt like home and I liked it. My mother and I decided to go out and get some food so that we wouldn't begin addressing 100+ envelopes on an empty stomach tonight. As we sat in this little hometown restaurant I watched as people drove up into the parking lot. Suddenly, for no real reason at all, I felt really connected to all of them. It's easy to feel connected here because you can't go anywhere without knowing somebody. I spend alot of time smiling and giving people answers to questions they already know the answers to and then ever so politely whispering to my mom "who was that? " as we walk away. Everyone I see asks me when the wedding is (even though they already know) and wishes me congratulations on my graduation. Did I like living in Washington? Will I take up skiing in Denver? Am I getting jitters? Same questions everyday by the same people who watched me grow up all of my life. There is something extremely aggrivating about that and in the same shallow breath something very right and very beautiful. I'm not saying I'm ready to move in to a quaint brick house across the street from my parents but I think age and distance have enabled me to appreciate something I rarely did growing up.
That being said, my substitute teaching experience in this small town has been both enriching and agonizing. I really do love kids, particularly teenagers, but it has more than saddened me to see how completely wrapped up these kids are in a culture that we should be giving our all to counteract. And yet, in the midst of suffering my call to be a teacher remains. Even while wishing that smacking a child were still allowed I find myself loving them with all I have. It's funny, they sit in the same classrooms and roam the same halls that I did some 9 years ago but they are totally different than we were. 9 years is all it takes...probably less. *sigh*
I'm also being thrown back into the memory of my last visit here for my grandfather's funeral in february. My grandmother (on the other side) after a few years in the nursing home-- 94 years of an abundantly blessed life, is now in the hospital taking her last breaths. The doctors give her another day or two. I did get to see her today and it made me feel better to kiss her and tell her I love her and pray with her....but it does remind me, yet again, of how utterly wrong death is.
Wedding plans are going well though my mom is driving me near insanity with them. Aparently we still have more preparations left to do than humans are capable of and we should be losing sleep over it. She is anyway.....I'm procrastinating that too.
I hope I haven't lost my two faithful readers in my long stay away. Until today my parent's didnt really have a decent computer in the house and something only resembling the internet called "dial up". hah. So here I am, back in business.
Drop me a line and let me know you're happy about it:)
Me happy!!!
ReplyDeleteI'll be more happy when we get to actually catch up, or if I ever get the chance maybe to just write down the trillion things a day that I want to tell you. haha. KK misses you too!
I know the small town feeling. I also grew up in a small town. . . not only a small town, but a small town that is accessible only by boat or plane. Small town with no road access is really small town! There are only three intersections with stop lights in the whole town!
ReplyDeleteIn a way I enjoy studying in the city, there's always events to go to and I definitely am able to connect to many more people my age who are passionate about the Faith.
At the same time though, I miss the accountability that comes with being a small town. Everyone knows everyone's business. Sure, that can be a bad thing, but at the same time, you have a reputation to live up to and you can't get away with anything without it getting back to your friends, family, and the whole town. I like walking down the street and recognizing people in three out four of the cars that drive by. I like going to the grocery store and running into my nextdoor neightbour in the dairy section, my grandpa in the produce section, my grade eleven physics teacher in the cereal aisle, and my cousin at the cashier. In a small town you're never an anonymous person walking down the street. People know who you are and care about you.
Sometimes, as I walk down the street in the city I think "wow, I'm walking by hundereds of people and I don't know any of them, it's crazy!"
All this being said, I doubt I'll live in my hometown ever again precisely because it's so isolated (I doubt the one parish in town will have work for a lay female theologian. . .).
I'm happy about it :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed a lot! »
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