Letters that won't ever get sent...

Dear produce guy,

I love you.

I love you for the smile that you so willingly give me at 8 in the morning and I love you for the care with which you stack the peaches. I love you because you say with such pleasant tone, "Good morning! How are you today?" in a world where kind salutations are very few and Oh so far between. On days when it seems that nothing is certain, I know that you will be there with your veggie hose in one hand and your cart stocked with pre-packaged salad by your side. Thank you for your fresh bell peppers and your 2 for 1 organic onions. I am indebted to your unwavering commitment to my fruit and forever grateful for your service to the food industry.

Sincerely,

Girl with the list.

Dear Walker Texas Ranger,

Your hard work and and brave crime fighting skills have provided me with many a Friday night of quality time with my grandfather who has now left us and who I miss very much. Thank you for the gift of an old time western conveniently packaged in the drama of a crime-solving mystery. You truly are one of the last old-fashioned hero's. I hold you in the highest esteem for the work that you do and the lives that you change. As 'somewhat of a' fan there is one question that I've always wanted to ask you; Were you made fun of as a child for having Texas as a middle name?

Your padna,

Girl on the couch

Dear makers of NuVa Ring,

What the hell are you thinking?! As if ANY form of artificial birth-control wasn't bad enough, a pill or shot that effectively (sometimes) alters your bodies state of doing that thing it does, namely, functioning properly, has now become inconvenient! A patch to stop the creation of a child and a soul that will exist for all eternity as if it's a weight problem or an attempt to kick the habit of smoking?! Noooo, still too burdonsome, standing in the way of freedom to be a woman? Poppycock! You are a disgrace to humanity and your propaganda will cause a never ending spiral of humanity into the depths of immorality. You have created a ring to be inserted into a woman's beautiful body once a month that will effectively block out life and fruitfullness and essentially rob a woman of being a mother. I hope you are pleased with your work and your evil dreams don't keep you from a peaceful night's rest.

I remain,

Disgusted.


So, I should probably actually send the last one. Have you seen this commercial? Are you kidding me? I used to throw my shoes at the Ortho Evra patch commercials. I don't have anything big enough to throw at this one. Ugh.