Will work for purpose...

I have a cowlick.....did I know that? Random.

Anyway, I'm angry with God, just a little, and I'll tell you why.
I have no job, no career no seeming 'purpose' for the incredible education/formation that the Lord himself moved me "literally" to attain. Granted, if I had only gotten the education for the good of myself and possibly hubby (and future spawn) then that would be enough, but is that really the only reason? I feel as if it's not. It was/is/will be such a blessing to me. This education, experience, knowledge, community has changed my world, my person, hopefully my salvation and I have a strong yearning to share it. I mean St. Paul pretty much summed it up in the first reading today; "If I preach the Gospel, this is no reason for me to boast,for an obligation has been imposed on me, and woe to me if I do not preach it!" Woe indeed.
Honestly, moving to Denver was a hard thing for me to accept. i guess I'm ready to be in a place where I'm going to be for a while and, though I do love people wherever I am, I can't imagine being anywhere for the rest of my life unless it's Home. But this is where Hubby is and where he needs to be right now and so it is where home is for now and I believe, where I'm 'supposed' to be. So what does HE want from me?! I've waited, searched and said so many novenas that I think I now walk in groups of 9 steps..and still nothing. Does HE want me to work at Starbucks? Be a nanny? Sell my plasma? It's not that these don't have dignity but I want to 'use' (for lack of a better word) my education. But how do you force the hand of God? You can't and when He remains silent we can do nothing but sit in the silence and let it crack us open. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin.


And so...anger.

and it grows...