So, I hate to harp but short of ranting on Rosie AGAIN I'm afraid the topic at hand is my lack of employment.
I feel guilty now because I know I need to just get a job but I also feel paralized. I guess the little speck of hope in me still doesn't want to take a job that I'll just have to quit in two weeks when I find a REAL job...a job that allows what I've been given to be put to use. The logic there is good but since I haven't found a job in 5 months of searching away and the almost 3 months here I should probably put logic to rest and start serving coffee.
I know Mother Earthie knows what this is like...the waiting. It's so draining.
My ever running, overly analytical mind has gathered some perspective from this pain. I guess it's made me realize the extent that we ARE our bodies. My being has no creative outlet, no place to be fruitful or to give from all that God has given me. It has rendered me sterile and the social-psychological sterility has rendered my body tired, bored, disoriented and without passion or desire.
I'm scared to commit because I'm so committed.
I need to get a job.
*sigh*
any suggestions?
That makes sooo much sense. I made the mistake of stepping on a scale at a friend's house the other day... my body is totally a sign of my lack of interest/creativity/happiness. Shoot.
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