Marriage 101: One of these things is not like the other

Three months ago I blogged about my bridal shower - simultaneous with the funeral of my grandmother. A week later Hubby's family threw me another bridal shower and the very next day his grandmother passed away. He says she was waiting for him to come home, and that she did.
I've realized in these past few months of funerals and letting go that I have this odd ability to be both truly present in grief and also standing outside of myself in analysis. This particular week of wedding prep and death called for even more reflection than even my silly soul usually grants. It's as if people felt especially compassionate to the two of us, probably because it was "supposed" to be a time of happiness for us. Not that I should have but I never felt cheated out of the happiness of the season. As kitsch as it sounds it really was a time when the 'circle of life' revealed itself with special clarity. Life and death, endings and new beginnings....they really are one thing aren't they? These losses coupled with our joyous event also brought about some interesting character development of those around us. My father, who was indeed a "mamma's boy", handled the death of his 94 year old mother without much emotion at all. Lack of emotion is pretty typical for my dad, though I guess I expected this to be a breaking point. I was the only one with him when he got the phone call that she had finally passed away and God blessed me with being able to share that beautifully intimate moment with him when he did crack, just a little. Mom-in-law was sad when her own mother passed away, but it was amazing how her transformation from her own suffering to freedom was actually visible. The confidence that her childlike faith gave her told her that her mother was now in a better place and hurting no longer. That realization released a cross from her shoulders that actually made her stand a little taller in the following weeks of our wedding. Dad-in-law usually distant and work oriented rose to the occasion of his wife's grief with exceptional kindness and attentiveness. Not only that but the joy of his oldest son's wedding moved him to give us the greatest gift we could have imagined ( though a house would have been nice) ; the gift of his own return to God. He returned to both the Sacrament of Confession and the Eucharist after 20 years or so of silence. Mom in law happily reports that he has been to Mass every Sunday since.
Hubby and I decided we wanted to bring in our nuptials with a novena to the Holy Spirit. We used the simple prayer 'Veni Sancti Spiritus' along with our own praises and petitions to the Holy Spirit. The novena ended on the 9th day, July 7th at 7p.m as I walked down the aisle and earthie's beautiful beautiful voice filled the Church with the same prayer..."Veni Sancti Spiritus....Come Holy Spirit!" And though I usually get nervous for anything that puts me at the center of attention, the Holy Spirit filled me with so much peace that I walked down the aisle without one irrational nerve to get in my way and just the beautiful smile of my groom inviting me to the altar. When I finally made it to him and my dad placed my hand and his together he whispered in my ear the song of Adam, "Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh...". Nice huh? Best of all, my dad didn't rip the veil off of my head as he pulled it away from my face! As you can imagine, the rest of the wedding followed suit and the reception was, if I may say so with humility, the best damn party I've ever been to in my life!

Fast forward honeymoon, drive to Denver, moving in to our 450 sq foot villa and getting acquainted with the city in one grey Corolla....and that brings me here to my grey couch watching roses bloom through the living room window and listening to hubby play classical music on his guitar in our bedroom some 5 feet away. Thus ends the sappy portion of the blog.

Reality.

The most profound reality of marriage that I've experienced so far is this....

that He and I are different.

Shocking, I know but it's true. This person, who I have given my life to in Jesus Christ, and who I might add has been my best friend for some 8 years, does many many things in ways that i do not do those same things. Those of you not yet married may be thinking that having studied at the John Paul II Institute for marriage and family might have brought this reality to my attention sooner but I say to you, judge not. Those of you married, i suspect, know exactly what I'm talking about. Sure, we've known each other for the better part of a decade now but being a respectable Catholic couple we have never shared the same space in the way that we do now. One of my favorite classes at the Institute was entitled 'Space, Time and Gender' and I tell you it makes more sense to me everyday. The fecundity of a marriage is brought about precisely because of difference, most obviously in gender but daily and in much more subtle ways through the collaboration of time and the sharing of space. Everybody knows we are different in gender, it's obvious, but the speed in which I do daily activities and the way I Inhabit my personal space? Different, totally and utterly different. The beauty is now how we figure out how to share these things and allow them to penetrate each others reality...then there is fruit. We're still figuring that whole thing out. Case and point:

*standing in our 4X4 kitchen putting away leftovers*
Hubby: "Is that how you've always closed a zip lock bag?"
Me: "Uh....yeah, why?
Hubby: "Oh, no reason, I guess, it's just not the way I do it."
Me: "Uh.....ok"
Hubby: "I mean, you don't squeeze all the air out of it first to retain the freshness?"
Me: "Are you serious?"
Hubby: "It's not a big deal....sorry"
Me: "it's ok"
Hubby: "It's just not the way I've always done it, thats all"

And the zip lock bag was only the beginning, soon to be followed by other episodes entitled; "Is that how you park a car?" "Is that how you fold a bath towel?" and my personal favorite "Is that how you order food at Chik-fil-A?"
Sometimes it's me asking the question, sometimes it's him, but its always a little frustrating, this beautiful realization of the complete 'otherness' of my spouse.

It really is all about space, time and gender.

Anyway, I've blabbed long enough. Tomorrow I'll bore you with the trials of not being able to find relevant employment. Pray for the Lord to have mercy on my soul. :)

Until then, more pictures!