To all my dieting friends...

March 7th, 2006

Exactly 4 months from now I will be a married woman. On the one hand, it's a very surreal thought seeing as all day long I learn about the profundity of Sacramental Marriage. But, on the other hand even us JPII Institute students worry about seemingly 'trivial' things such as how we will look in our wedding dress. In actuallity, I don't think it's trivial at all. I've learned more about my body, the physical body and the theological meaning of the body in the past 2 years than I've ever known in my life and ya know what? It does matter, on many levels. That treatise I will save for another day.

My most recent attempt to get healthy is a website called My Food Diary where you track calories, fat, sodium, iron and every other nutrient that we put into our bodies all day. At the end of the day the site tells me whether I've eaten enough calories or too much, if my iron count was too high (which it usually is) and if my sodium intake was too high (which it also usually is). You get smiley faces for good acheivements like eating enough, excercising, and making sure your percentages of fat, carbs and protein are right. Likewise, you get 'frownies" for the bad things that you've done like drink too much alchohol and intake too much iron or having too many calories in one meal. Within the "MFD" Community there is much joy shared in acheiving smileys. And, as you can imagine a frownie can put a damper on an otherwise happy day. It might sound a little crazy but you're Catholic so you're used to crazy right? In any case, it's a great site and I recommend it, though it does cost a little. It's good information if you're trying to attain an overall healthy lifestyle. This post ended up in the forum there today and I laughed so hard I almost pee'd my pants. Enjoy.

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Posted by Binkus Posted on Tuesday, January 17, 2006 at 8:43:19 AM ET
[WARNING: LONG POST]

I knew this day was coming. I mean 11 smilies are nice but come on people. I made Vegan Chocolate Cake. It had tofu in it. I made Chocolate Cake WITH TOFU IN IT! I'm a 250 lb woman. I didn't get here without putting butter in my cake. I mean it looked good. It sure had healthy ingredients. And it was absolutely flavorless. I made people try it just to watch their faces. It was dark and moist and went straight into the trash. I need a drink now and then. A real drink. A buzz producing drink. A single shot of gin is like a grape to an elephant. C'mon frownie man. So two shots of gin produce a frownie. DEAR GOD I had 264 alcohol calories. That's less than my damn power bar after I work out and that sucker has saturated fat in it. So you know what frownie boy, those two shots of gin are between me and my liver. I'm tired of playing the "no dessert" smiley shell game. We all know why snack number 3 is there. It's there so we can hide our pudding cups.So yesterday I was ready. I had dinner reservations at the swanky new french restaurant in town. I ate a light breakfast. 2 hours later I was hungry. I ate a light snack. It was time to work out. I just couldn't do it. I took a nap instead. When I got up I was hungry. I ate a light lunch. ½ hour later I ate a real lunch. A good lunch with mayonnaise and everything. I was no longer hungry but I only had 500 calories left to maintenance. On a normal day this wouldn't be problem but I was going to a French restaurant. A good French restaurant. A restaurant where they set the desserts ON FIRE! And you know what, as the hour approached I still wasn't hungry. When I got there I wasn't hungry. And as I sat there and contemplated the menu I was conflicted. I know what you all think happened. You think I became one of those "I'll just have a salad girls". But you know what, we fat girls HATE those girls. HATE them. So I leaned back in my chair and thought I am not hungry but have been looking forward to this for a week so I am going to do something I haven't done in 6 months and 25 lbs. I am going to eat for PLEASURE. I am going to say "yes" to all the naughty questions. "Would you like a drink before dinner?" "Something to start?" "Would you like to see the dessert menu?" Yes. Yes. YES!And after I had extinguished the flames on my dessert I leaned back with a satisfaction I haven't felt in forever. And I thought, how bad could it be? So this morning I entered it all. I erred on the side of brutal honesty. I got frownies I didn't even know existed. And I don't care. Because when all the damage was totaled up it wasn't so bad. I realized that if I saved an extra 100 calories a day I could do this every so often and it wouldn't matter a damn bit. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm getting back on the horse. But I am rewarding myself with FOOD. Exactly what they say you shouldn't do but I'm doing it. And I'm going to love it. I am going to embrace the You-haven't-eaten-enough frownie because there's always tomorrow to make up for it. I'm going to be sad when I DON'T get the Alchohol frownie. It means I probably didn't have enough fun that day. Sodium Frownie? Pass the salt. But why tell us Binkus? I hear you ask. You're just making me hungry. Well I'm glad you asked. I am starting this thread for the other Binkus's out there who love to eat GOOD food. I'm not talking about dipping oreos in chocolate sauce in the dead of night. I'm talking about people who love to sit down to a real pot roast or a perfect lasagna. [If anyone mentions cottage cheese or tofu in the same sentence as the word lasagna just strangle them. I'm Italian for God's sake, Ricotta runs in my veins.] This thread is NOT for you new agers who want to "flush the toxins" out of your system with the latest fad high colonic. It is NOT for you "fat" girls who are 11 pounds over your ideal body weight. It is NOT for the"I'll just have a salad" girls. And it is DEFINITELY NOT for those whiners who state, "But MFD says I haven't had enough calories today and I just don't know what to do." Go stick a chocolate bar in some peanut butter and be quiet. This thread is for the people who are the only ones at the table who order dessert. And when the waiter puts down all the extra forks you use them as weapons to pin your greedy neighbors' hands to the table. This thread is for the guy out there who ate a steak so big the Iron frownie said, "Forget abdominal pains. Go straight to the emergency room." I want to hear the stories of the dinner so wonderful that the You-ate-too-much-in-a-single-meal frownie just looked confused and said, "Are you sure?". I want to hear your stories so I can live vicariously through you until I get to my next reward day. So let me just lean back and mix this martini, and...go.